Me in the Kitchen? Fail.

by Tanya Kieneker

I can’t cook. Most people don’t know this about me. Unless you are my husband.

He has officially banned me from our kitchen, except of course to do the dishes. The reason is simple. I have flopped every meal known to man. I have burned every cookie, melted every spatula, loaded every soup with too much salt, and perhaps even thrown a mommy-tantrum while making Rice Krispie squares with my kids.

I’m not even exaggerating. I actually lost it, completely, while trying to make the simplest recipe on earth. It was just far too stressful…stirring the marshmallows constantly, trying to scoop the gooey mess into the pan, coating everything completely before the marshmallow started to harden. All with a little four-year-old “trying” to help, but just getting in my way. And so I did the most logical thing. I threw a tantrum…and was banned from the kitchen for eternity.

And so, my husband has assumed all kitchen duties. He does all the cooking. I’m not even allowed to grocery shop for fear I’ll purchase something at too high of a price. (“You bought that cucumber for how much!!”)

I’m a lot better at other things anyway. I can make a really awesome PowerPoint. That has to count for something right?

I’m sure I’m a disappointment to every Pinterest-loving, Martha-Stewart-impersonating woman in North America. When I look at some of the things in social media, that “society” thinks I should do, make, or design, in order to be a hip and trendy mom, I get the giggles. Can you imagine me making one of these sandwiches for Jaydon?

To be honest, first I giggle, because it’s so absurd. And then I get mad. Some days I feel like I can barely get the kids to bed without losing my hair (truly it’s a shock I don’t have any grey hair yet with how well I handle stress). So why on earth should I feel guilty for not spending an hour cutting cute little shapes and animals out of my son’s lunch?

Or how about cupcakes—the latest super-mommy trend? Apparently I should make totally adorable Minion cupcakes for Jaydon’s next birthday. Like that’s going to happen.

If you Google “Pinterest fail” you’ll get hours of entertainment. Here’s one of my favourites:

I’m really not sure why we women do this to ourselves. We see something online that tells us what we’re supposed to be like. And we fall for it. At least I do. And not only do I fall for it, but I start expecting it of other mom’s and then judging them for not living up to it. (That’s right. When I see your kid’s school project, I’m already doing a search online, in my head, for how to do it better. OK. I’m not really. I promise.)

Because of all this, I’ve made a new commitment to myself. I’m going to stop playing the game. I’m going to get off the merry-go-round (they make me dizzy anyway) and think of myself differently. And let myself be OK with how God made me.

Maybe I’ll make Chris a flashy PowerPoint for all his favourite recipes.